“I Was Terrified Walking Into That Gym”: How I Got Into MMA and BJJ at 23
Hi, I’m Lily—and I’m a BJJ coach and purple belt.
I actually got into martial arts kind of by accident. I was watching UFC one day (very cliché), watching Rose Namajunas and thought it would be cool to be able to do what she was doing. So, I had a little google and found an MMA beginners course near me.
I was 23 and had never even been punched in the face before so when I told my family I wanted to try MMA, they pretty much said I was too small and I’d get hurt. It didn’t deter me though (as it never has done because I’m stubborn) so I signed up to the course.
That first class was... intense
I still remember walking into the gym for the first time. I was so nervous. I kept hoping I’d see at least one other girl—but I didn’t. It was a room full of 30 or 40 men.
I was nervous but I stayed, and ended up getting paired with someone about 30kg heavier than me. The coach told me, “He’s the lightest one here,” and I just thought, okay, it’ll do.
After that, I didn’t stop going but it wasn’t easy. I’d get butterflies every time I drove to class. I had to literally sit in my car and talk myself into walking through the doors. This went on for a few months but I stuck with it because I enjoyed what I was doing. It was new and challenging.
The women around me made such a difference
I’ve trained with a lot of amazing women since then. I don’t have one specific mentor, but there are a few people I really look up to—like Robyn Lucas, Julia Scardone and Lexi Rook just to name a few (if I was to list everyone we’d be here forever!)
They’ve always been supportive, especially when I’ve felt unsure about competing, coaching or just life stuff. Having encouragement from women who compete at a high level and are good coaches and people themselves really gives me confidence in myself.
Don’t neglect the mental side of the sport
Being technically good and physically strong are obviously good traits to have when competing but having self belief is crucial. When I’ve been in a negative mental state in the past and convinced myself that I’m gonna lose, I’ve usually lost.
This is by no means me saying be delusional and convince yourself that you’re going to win, but just think why shouldn’t you win? If you train hard and put the work in, you have just as much right to be there as anyone else.
My schedule is... packed
Because I work almost full time and coach on the weekends, my days are really structured. I work in a school Monday to Thursday and train most evenings. I also coach 5 women’s classes a week across three places and help coach a kids class.
Thursdays for example: I work 8:30am–4pm, train from 6–7pm, and then coach a women’s class from 7–8pm. Sundays are busy too —coach women’s at NEJJ in the morning, train straight after, then coach two more women’s classes at different places, finishing in the evening. By the end of the day, I usually just crash on the sofa with some food.
I don’t have strict rituals, but I swear by skincare
I don’t really have big pre-match rituals or training superstitions. I usually just listen to some music and have a move around to warm up. My skincare routine is probably the only consistent ritual I’ve managed to stick with. I also have to do regular rehab for my knees and any other niggles that I’ve got going on!
The biggest thing I’ve learned? Listen to your body.
I used to tie my self-worth to how hard and how often I trained. If I missed a session, I’d beat myself up either mentally or physically in the next session.
It’s taken me a while to unlearn that and to learn when to push and when to focus on recovery.
If I’ve had a rough day at work, training usually helps clear my head. And if training itself feels hard or off, I try not to put pressure on myself to do well in class. Some days, just drilling and doing a few light rounds is enough.
Biggest achievement? Medalling at Worlds (blue belt)
That was only my second ever IBJJF comp. I didn’t have any expectations, I just knew I’d need to win three matches to medal, and I’d never had that many matches in a single day before. I had no idea how I’d handle it so I was really proud of myself to come away with a medal.
The thing I’m proudest of? The women’s classes at NEJJ
At NEJJ, we’d never had dedicated women’s classes. Now, we’ve got a core group and two weekly sessions. We’ve even hosted open mats with 40 women which is amazing to see.
This wouldn’t exist though without the craziest group of women who come week in and week out. We have an absolute ball and I love coaching them.
To anyone thinking about trying something new: do it
I know how intimidating it can be starting something new but if I hadn’t have walked into that MMA gym 5 years ago I wouldn’t have met all the amazing people that are in my life now. I’d have missed out on so many experiences and visiting different countries to train and compete. If you’re on the fence about starting something new, go for it and push through the nerves. Also, don’t be afraid of changing your environment and going where the energy feels right!
– Lily Wayman
